Erika's Baby

Erika is my sister and she is having a baby.

She's been sending me updates through e-mail about the baby's status - yesterday I received one that said that the baby (she) is fully grown.  At any time now, she may come out.  It reminds me of the first time I saw the ultrasound, staring at that cloudy image as my heart began to melt.  What is forming in my sisters belly? 

It is amazing and a crazy reminder that God is always working.  He is forming this little one, and many others across the globe with a love and care beyond our understanding.  God is creating the future generation as he continues to shape and lead the present one.  By this little one I am reminded that God is good.  Because, while there is much darkness in this world (which I have been learning about in classes on poverty and development) and there are many babies across the world that are unhealthy and dying - there still exists this miracle of life and the promise of justice and redemption from a God who loves.

That little baby growing in my sister's stomach is remarkable.  This little one is a gift from God.

This is my way of saying that I am excited that my older sister, Erika, is having a baby. 

Today the third quarter at Fuller has begun.  I am excited about the new classes and conversations that will be held.  Some decisions must be made on my part including where/if/and how I would like to do the practicum this upcoming summer.

I've missed my family much lately and am anxiously awaiting news of the arrival of my little niece!



Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.
-Psalm 143:8 

Emmanuel - God with us

View from the top of the fuller library - not bad.  

Beauty 

In the fall we did a road trip to San Diego, my three German friends are all back in Germany, have been so blessed by their friendship.

Los Angeles At night

Pray

To hope is to trust - and have confidence in what God is doing.  It's a healthy optimism that human failure is never final and requires patience as we wait, knowing that all will turn out well.

Tonight, I cannot sleep.  Instead, I lay awake.  It is something that I do not enjoy.  I wish I could enjoy this sleepless night more.  Now that we're on the topic of wishes....I wish I had a car right about now, so I could drive somewhere cool, maybe to the ocean and hear the waves crashing at night, and see the endless night sky with the stars.  If I had a car, I would also stop at mc donalds and buy 3 cookies for 1 dollar (because that still exist here in California), I would blast some Jesus music with the windows down.  At sunrise (in roughly 2 hours time) I would drive to the mountains and see the sunrise.  Since we're wishing - I would also magically know how to play the guitar so that I could strum my favorite tunes.  I would also wish that my best friend Jesus would heal my heart so that I could be overflowing with love for people who hurt, just like me.  I would wish away all the times I ever hurt others (lets not get carried away) and would wish that no one would have to go through pain, or suffering, or heartache.  I would wish away the killings, the broken homes, the wars, the genocides, the ...list...goes...on....

But wishing never did anybody any good.  Praying -however - God answers prayers.  He has answered some of mine and for the bigger complicated ones, he answers with justice.  Justice, is the work that we are called to partner in.  Love Justice (love does), show mercy (action), walk humbly with our God.  Sometimes, my focal point is so small and I wish things were different, or better, or the way things I want them to be, and the wishing turns to discontent, and the discontent to worry, and the worry to...this.  No seep.

And then, late at night, when all I have is prayer and the Bible, a still small pull from deep down inside reminds me of my identity in Christ.  Life is short.  Don't let it be in vain.  Do not let all of those injustices, all of that suffering, pain and turmoil that people go through, don't let it be in vain - that is what my soul cries out to God amidst the silence.  When I a weak, then I am strong.  Tonight I am so weak; so I hope and pray with all that is in me....that I may rejoice when the prayers of others are answered.  God is good.  All the time. 

I lift my eyes up to the hills - where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip- he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you - The Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm - he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
Psalm 121

 
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful. I know that full well...

 

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

 

How precious are your thoughts, O God!

How vast the sum of the! Were I to count them

they would outnumber the grains of sand.

When I am awake, I am still with you.

 

Psalm 140:16-18

Enlarge the place of your tent,

stretch your ten curtains wide, do not hold back

....

For the Maker is your husband -

The Lord Almighty is his name -

The Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,

he is called the God of all the earth.

Isaiah 54:2-5



 And now, I am exhausted.  Good.

 

C'est la vie

The days are filled with readings.  I laughed aloud in the library in the other day when a ridiculously long word came across the page, "pneumatomachianism" what?  Yea I don't know either... honestly I just skip over words like those.

My roommate just knocked on the door and dropped off a plate full of cookies.  YUM.  Small gestures like that make such a difference.  Reading. Time.

 Cool Video.  C'est la vie = "That's Life" 

Notes from class in poverty and development

Went to a panel this week about Africa and Christian and Muslim relations.  It was super interesting.

brainstorm ideas for....community!

At City Hall, handstands....do them while you can.

I spend a majority of time here.  Top floor of the library.

or here....reading in my room.

Time for Everything

Rose Bowl trail

Carpe Diem...in this beautiful life.

"The thief comes to steal and kill and destroy.  I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10  :)

Today has enough trouble of it's own

This song has been replaying in my head for the past two days....



"Now that I have seen, I am responsible.  Faith without deeds is dead."

That phrase "faith without deeds is dead" has helped drive my passion to serve in International Development.  My life mission has been to serve and love others (mainly the poor) with what God has given me.  The basics of my identity was formed around this, I don't know how or when this occurred, but it's just been built into who I am.  However, the passions I have for international development are changing.  The idea of who or how I might serve is evaporating leaving room for something new.  I've tried to explain it once or twice to some friends, but it's hard even for me to understand.  While I am very much aware that these passions are being redirected, I'm completely clueless as to where they're going quite yet.  Something is changing deep within me.  Yet, I am excited about it.

Only time will tell....

I love calendars.  Time has always held some sort of fascination for me.  How cool, today will never happen again, and a few weeks from now, everything will be different.  Time heals deep wounds and that phrase "only time will tell" often rings true.  For this reason, I would find myself counting the weeks until a season of pain or uncertainty would finally be over.  10 weeks - I would count and label it on my calendar as "DONE" or "HEALED" because I would reason that in time things would get better.  That day would finally come and I'd smile and say, "see Alison, time, you just needed time."

The problem with this method, is that it completely ignores the present.  There is a lot happening in the present, and if I'm always looking ahead, I can miss the joys and lessons of today.  Earlier today as I was running with my roommate, we talked about this new quarter at school and the stage of life that we're in.  It's a good one, full of uncertainty yet exciting opportunities and experiences.  We're given the unique opportunity to take time and learn more about our God and to how he uniquely shaped us to live as light today, in this world.  It involves tons of reading, and reflections as we are asked to analyze our character, identity, worldview and motives.  The ugly parts of me are brought to light and I am reminded time and time again just how deeply human and flawed I am.  Readings by Tim Keller have completely renewed my understanding of grace. 10 weeks goes by fast.  This quarter as I begin to mark my calendar with due dates; instead of looking forward in anticipation for the laborious reading to be over with - I am going to enjoy it.  I will take in the moments one by one and enjoy each day as is.  In doing this, slowly but surely these new passions will naturally rise to the surface or perhaps my passion for international development will return and deeply flourish.  That's not my concern at the moment for today has enough "trouble" of it's own (Mathew 6:34).

Today I needed that reminder.

This song on repeat before sleep



May your love, cause us to open up, cause us to open up our hearts.
May your light, cause us to shine so bright, that we bring hope into the dark.
Hope for the hopeless, your love is....
Strength in our weakness, your love is....
May we love, as you love

**Goodnight**
Con Amor,
Alison

Do you really trust?

Tonight is a chill night of reflection.  I haven't had one in quite some time - it's always been go, go, go, or just....crawl into bed and fall asleep.

There is this long list of things to be done when I return to California.  Life is moving quickly and apparently my "serendipitous" personality needs more structure.  So here goes some reflecting, structure to follow.

1.  Do you really trust God?

Journal Entry: July 3rd 2012
"Linda (girls home director) said today that being on the mission field is a test about what you believe.  "Do you really trust God?  You can either choose to believe, or to not believe."  I am choosing to believe.  To hold onto hope - to have faith that God is who he says he is.  That he is all knowing - omnipresent and watching over me and everyone.  I believe that God has a plan - that God has power.  That God listens and chooses to listen when he wants.  I believe that God knows my heart.  I believe that God can work through me.  I believe."

That entry was written while in Bolivia, my heart was distraught after witnessing a ministry partnership fall apart.  Earlier that day we had interviewed Linda, who had served as a girls home director for many years (more than 10).  She was so genuine and honest, she didn't sugar coat the work she was involved in; and it was inspiring.  Today that question, "Do you really trust God," cuts deep as bigger decisions are made and worries about the future begin to creep in.  It's a question that humbles me and requires an honest answer.  The answer?  Why yes of course, yes I do trust God.  ok Alison...then do not worry and lift it up in prayer.

2. God has His ways.

Exodus 23:29-30
But I will not drive them out in a single year, because the land would become desolate and the wild animals too numerous for you.  Little by little I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land.

Little by little.  God said little by little.  So in whatever way that God is working; it could be drastic and it could be little by little - but there is a reasoning behind the plans that God orchestrates.  God is active and working.  Always - in the practical and seemingly impractical.

3.  Recognize the season you're in (said Bill Hybels)

I have ten more weeks of classes this next quarter.  That's the next season.  This is the time for growth and development.  This is the time to trust and obey.  This is the time to pray and wait.  This is a time to invest in friendships and a church community.  It is a time to work hard and to take joy in it all.

4.  God is with me

Though these feet often times feel like they are aimlessly wandering, God has always been there, every step of the way.

Psalms 27:13-14
I am confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

James 4:8-10
Come near to God and he will come near to you.  Wash your hands, you sinner, and purify your hearts, you double minded.  Grieve, mourn, and wail.  Change your laughter into mourning and your joy to gloom.  Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

James 4:13-15
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.  Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.  What is your life?  You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.  Instead, you ought to say, "if it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."

So since I don't know the future - why plan it?  No structure needed.

Just kidding! I've got a general idea of the next best steps.
And...time for bed :) sleep music.

People at Fuller

I really like Fuller Theological Seminary.

Sure the classes are good and I am learning a lot through all the readings and lectures but what I really like about Fuller is the people.

They come from all over the country and all over the world to study here - they come with different life experiences and stories - and they all come with a desire to learn more about God and to serve him well with their lives.  The more people I meet and get to know, the more I am amazed by the opportunity to live in such a place.

Let me give you an idea of the coolness of this community.

So - I'm studying right? (context) - it's a Saturday morning, and I've been studying for quite some time.  Reading articles and statistics about Refugees in Syria.  I've got this big research paper looming over me and the worst part of it all is that I fear my passion for this subject is waning, it just makes the process so much more painful.  Am I heartless?  Why don't I seem to care enough about the Refugees suffering in Syria, this is real stuff Alison (self talk).  Coffee Break.

My good friend Berkeley works at the coffee shop right down the street and its always nice to visit Berkeley.  Saturday is off to a good start, procrastination choice number 1.

Picture taken before Convo
Just thought it looked cool

Inside the coffee shop I spot a friend (photo left).  I've been saying hi to the past few weeks.  This "friend" of mine, I don't really know well.  All I know is that he's from another country because he has an accent.  "What are you working on?" he asks me, "ohh, just a paper on globalization and Refugees," I respond half heartedly.  "ohhh, that's a good topic.  I would know that's a good topic," he responds.
"Oh is it?  How would you know?"
His response,"Do you know I was a refugee?"
.....and my mind begins to process ....
"A refugee, as in, the kind I am reading about, did you live in a camp?"  I ask ....more enthusiastically than before
"Refugee for 6 years, yes I did."
.....and my topic just became real.
Bill went onto explain that as a young boy he had to flee his country of Liberia because of war and reside in a neighboring country.  He was raised in a different government system with a different education than his own and food rations provided by the United Nations.

And that's one reason why I think Fuller is pretty cool.  Finished that paper today.

Two more large papers to complete by Friday and then it is time to rest.

 

A quick update.  This little light of mine flickers on.  God is good.  Always good.

 

I pray that out of his glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being." Ephesians 3:16

 

Christmas in California - passing through City Hall with two German exchange students last night



From the top of the library

Sun shining on my paper, sweet.  Love Does. 

October

It's Saturday evening, and I'm reading by candlelight with a monster energy drink and music.  Currently, I am super full of energy and excited about what I'm reading for class - my mind is going super fast and I take notes every paragraph wishing I could absorb this all and spit it back out in perfect form in the future, but that won't happen.  If I'm lucky, I'll remember the general concepts.

A few seconds ago, before I entered the blog world, I paused in the reading, overwhelmed with energy and fervor I had this crazy desire to talk to someone, anyone, about ... well just how crazy life is.  But then, I didn't know who I would talk to.  So I thought, "well then what's the point of gaining all this knowledge if there is no one to share it with?"  No point.  So - I'm going to share it.

Someday and somehow.  But not right now, because I can't procrastinate any more.  Life is exciting! ...that much I'm sure of...carpe diem with wisdom.

From my room to yours - happy October!

P.S. this is bad quality of the song, but with blasted speakers and bass..it doesn't sound so terrible.  Just sharing what I'm currently listening to.  :D




Also - pictures to come.  California is beautiful.  I like it here.