My butterfly hit a wall

You ever have those sobering moments where you take a look at your finances and realize that your next few weeks or months are going to be more difficult then you thought? 

yea - that just happened.

I just got off the phone with some people, paying off medical stuff, giving out my credit card number, and I think I almost felt a tear stroll down my cheek as she repeated the amount and told me how much would be placed on it.

My dad is obsessed with Dave Ramsey.  Dave Ramsey is this financial guru who talks about how to pay off your debt, save your money, and live a financially stable and happy life with the hypothetical end goal of giving away so much more because of your new happy and stable position!  I can't tell you how often I have heard him speaking, I know his voice, and I could recite to you his point of view on many financial issues.

Anyways - I tend to act like a free butterfly sometimes, with these huge lofty ideas and goals, and this idea that if you just do it, everything will work out alright.  Sadly, the butterfly life span is very short.  After reviewing (mentally) my current financial situation, and the financial demands that will begin this fall with graduate school - my butterfly almost died.

I have to make hard decisions, I have to be really self controlled, I will even have to go into those red lines (debt).   If I want to grow up - move out - get a car - go to school - all while working - than these wings of mine need to be clipped.  You get what I mean?  It means no more thinking "la de dah" I can volunteer wherever I want - instead it's "oh man", I might need to hold two jobs this summer.  It means no more "la de dah" I can justify my spending to hang out with friends because friends are important -instead it's - "oh man", I can sit there while my friends enjoy food and if it's too far away I have to go play outside by myself instead.  It'll be alright - while I might have to place these boundaries for a time, I know who I am, and I know that this isn't forever.

So basically this entry is to just get out all of those frustrations from a few moments ago with that stupid plastic card in my hand while I sat on my completely unorganized floor and to mentally process the last hour I spent driving home, refilling the gas tank (with ridiculous prices), while thinking the entire time about how in the world I am going to be able to move out and buy a car and pay for insurance and go to the dentist without insurance...in moments like those I really couldn't believe the la la land I live in.

Basically - my butterfly ran into a glass window this morning, and it's sliding down slowly.  I"ll fly again.  Just takes some time to figure it all out.  #Reallife.  That's how it be living in the U.S.of A.  :) 

On a positive note - Spring is here and it is a beautiful thing!!