When fear beats you up - it's time to look up

These past two days I’ve been obsessed with my handwritten calendar.  I look at it over and over and count the weeks – 9 weeks.  9 short weeks.  That’s all I have left until my time here in Bolivia comes to a close.  I can hardly believe it.  I like being here - I think the goodbye will be hard.

Devon got her necklace stolen in the Concha this past Sunday.  It was ripped off her neck by a man who came running by super fast.  It was pretty shocking.  I've also witnessed a guy escape from the police - he just jumped out of the car and started sprinting down the street - they didn't catch him.  That's all interesting I suppose.  What else?  

I'm going to blog about something I am ashamed of. 

This past Monday at precisely 2:30 I was supposed to be at the prison leading a woman's bible study.  The key word here is leading.  Another key word (s):  Supposed to be.  Those are key word because - I didn't go.  I called 30 minutes before the study started and said - "I can't make it."  In other words, I balied.  I chickened out and I didn't have a good reason.

You see my blogger friends, I was scared to lead.  I was scared to lead the bible study in Spanish - I was scared they would judge me for my lack of experience, my age, my bad Spanish.  I was just all out scared and so I bailed.  I was supposed to go and I didn't.

Looking back - 3 days later - I see this as a defining moment in my life.  I let fear get the best of me - and it doesn't feel so great.  So I have learned a valuable lesson - God is bigger than my fears.  Or I can rephrase it to say I am in the midst of learning that valuable lesson.  In the midst, because, today when I was at the jail - I committed to leading this bible study once again.  I gave the woman my word that I will see them this upcoming Monday for bible study (they don't know that I"m leading it yet).  I am still scared.  I still don't know what we will talk about.  But a friend of mine reminded me that it is not by my strength that it will be done, and that God can speak through me - it's not going to be just ME.  So.  I"m going to pray like crazy.  

Tomorrow morning I have another nerve racking, fear defining, experience.  I was asked to coach two girl soccer teams for a tournament on November 10th.  The girls on the team live in the prison with their parents but go to Casa de Amistad during the day.  With fear, I agreed.  So tomorrow is the first practice.  I have written down a list of what we'll do, running, drills, and more running, but I need the strength to be firm and confident.  

In Conclusion:  I am ashamed that I did not go this past Monday.  I have learned that I need to rely on God and not let these fears overcome me - so I am going to do it.  I am going to do these things that are asked of me with full assurance that God is who he said he is and will work through me - giving me the strength and courage I need.  

Something shameful, can turn into something beautiful - at least that is what I hope.  :)

Tomorrow night we'll also be painting the church I go to - cool.

Alison

Carry me Through - Dave Barnes - some good ole fashioned tune

p.s. I dread going to bed because I wake up everyday with bug bites that itch.  small PAIN!