Tonight, I cannot sleep. Instead, I lay awake. It is something that I do not enjoy. I wish I could enjoy this sleepless night more. Now that we're on the topic of wishes....I wish I had a car right about now, so I could drive somewhere cool, maybe to the ocean and hear the waves crashing at night, and see the endless night sky with the stars. If I had a car, I would also stop at mc donalds and buy 3 cookies for 1 dollar (because that still exist here in California), I would blast some Jesus music with the windows down. At sunrise (in roughly 2 hours time) I would drive to the mountains and see the sunrise. Since we're wishing - I would also magically know how to play the guitar so that I could strum my favorite tunes. I would also wish that my best friend Jesus would heal my heart so that I could be overflowing with love for people who hurt, just like me. I would wish away all the times I ever hurt others (lets not get carried away) and would wish that no one would have to go through pain, or suffering, or heartache. I would wish away the killings, the broken homes, the wars, the genocides, the ...list...goes...on....But wishing never did anybody any good. Praying -however - God answers prayers. He has answered some of mine and for the bigger complicated ones, he answers with justice. Justice, is the work that we are called to partner in. Love Justice (love does), show mercy (action), walk humbly with our God. Sometimes, my focal point is so small and I wish things were different, or better, or the way things I want them to be, and the wishing turns to discontent, and the discontent to worry, and the worry to...this. No seep.
And then, late at night, when all I have is prayer and the Bible, a still small pull from deep down inside reminds me of my identity in Christ. Life is short. Don't let it be in vain. Do not let all of those injustices, all of that suffering, pain and turmoil that people go through, don't let it be in vain - that is what my soul cries out to God amidst the silence. When I a weak, then I am strong. Tonight I am so weak; so I hope and pray with all that is in me....that I may rejoice when the prayers of others are answered. God is good. All the time.
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip- he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord watches over you - The Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all harm - he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
Psalm 121
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful. I know that full well...
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
How precious are your thoughts, O God!
How vast the sum of the! Were I to count them
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I am awake, I am still with you.
Psalm 140:16-18
Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your ten curtains wide, do not hold back
....
For the Maker is your husband -
The Lord Almighty is his name -
The Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,
he is called the God of all the earth.
Isaiah 54:2-5
And now, I am exhausted. Good.
