February is that month I always look forward to. It's the month of reflections and new beginnings because it's that special month that God brought me into this world.
Almost always, a year is full of surprises. I think maybe you would agree that life is a mystery. This past year has been full of a ridiculous amount of change which has resulted in a broken heart at times and inexplicable joy at others. It's quite cool when I reflect on it, I"ll say that much. Quite amazing - I could never have planned this out really. Being the not so excellent planner and all... Graduating from a masters program - "moving" back to Chicago - meeting amazing people in 8 countries over a six month period AND receiving an internship with an organization that I greatly respect - for a cause that I am passionate about. Mix in the painful goodbye to friends and family, the harsh reality of walking away from someone you love, and - there goes my 27th year... Really - only God could have a handle on the time. If I had seen it all coming, I think I would have been frozen with wonder and fear. I might have tried to change a few things to align with my personal desires. What a mess that would have made. Step by step, I like that method much more now.
I've now been settled in a new country for three weeks and plan to spend a few months working with internally displaced people. On the first night that I was here, jet leg was relentless, and I found myself pondering a lot of things. One of which was the desire that we have to be known. It was late at night and I had the covers over my head to keep me safe from the mosquitos. The people I had been closest to were thousands of miles away and after so much bouncing around, there is only so much I could share. Most people didn't even know where I was, nor did I know where they were. It seemed that no one really knew me anymore, not even myself.
There is freedom in knowing that I am loved and understood by God. It relieves the pressure that I place on others to meet unfulfilled desires. It relieves the pressure to understand exactly why things are happening. It creates a trust that can not be broken and a peace that transcends all. It is only by the love of God that I can then be confident in who God created me to be. In the words, of Tim Keller, “The only eyes in the universe who can see you to the bottom, love you to the skies.” It is a truth that we must constantly be reminded of because the world is full of lies and distractions. That night, alone in that room, and even now with these tired eyes, I find comfort in being seen, loved, and known by God. That is enough. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Goodnight.
Almost always, a year is full of surprises. I think maybe you would agree that life is a mystery. This past year has been full of a ridiculous amount of change which has resulted in a broken heart at times and inexplicable joy at others. It's quite cool when I reflect on it, I"ll say that much. Quite amazing - I could never have planned this out really. Being the not so excellent planner and all... Graduating from a masters program - "moving" back to Chicago - meeting amazing people in 8 countries over a six month period AND receiving an internship with an organization that I greatly respect - for a cause that I am passionate about. Mix in the painful goodbye to friends and family, the harsh reality of walking away from someone you love, and - there goes my 27th year... Really - only God could have a handle on the time. If I had seen it all coming, I think I would have been frozen with wonder and fear. I might have tried to change a few things to align with my personal desires. What a mess that would have made. Step by step, I like that method much more now.
I've now been settled in a new country for three weeks and plan to spend a few months working with internally displaced people. On the first night that I was here, jet leg was relentless, and I found myself pondering a lot of things. One of which was the desire that we have to be known. It was late at night and I had the covers over my head to keep me safe from the mosquitos. The people I had been closest to were thousands of miles away and after so much bouncing around, there is only so much I could share. Most people didn't even know where I was, nor did I know where they were. It seemed that no one really knew me anymore, not even myself.
That night, to drown out the buzz of the mosquitoes, I decided to listen to some music. One particular song had been repeating in my mind during the flight - so naturally, I listened to it once more. "It takes a lot to know a man" by Damien Rice. The title should explain a bit of the song - basically. It takes a lot to know someone. Accurate, I would say. Memories came and went as the melodies played. It made me think, how eloquently beautiful are the melodies of an unexpressed
song deep within us – to be known, cherished, and understood yet to find that
only the one whom has created us can fully know us. God has been there all along. Through it all. Even more, God has planned it. God knows it better than myself, especially those nuanced feelings and changes that I may never comprehend.
There is freedom in knowing that I am loved and understood by God. It relieves the pressure that I place on others to meet unfulfilled desires. It relieves the pressure to understand exactly why things are happening. It creates a trust that can not be broken and a peace that transcends all. It is only by the love of God that I can then be confident in who God created me to be. In the words, of Tim Keller, “The only eyes in the universe who can see you to the bottom, love you to the skies.” It is a truth that we must constantly be reminded of because the world is full of lies and distractions. That night, alone in that room, and even now with these tired eyes, I find comfort in being seen, loved, and known by God. That is enough. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Goodnight.
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| Photo from a hike with other interns being sent across the globe. Step by Step - it's a beautiful journey. |
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| Spent two good weeks at home, nothing quite like home. |
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| Awestruck |
