It's nearly 1:30 am on a Tuesday night of my last finals week in graduate school. I should not be writing on here, but I figure there may be no better time to write then when I am in the thick of such an intense week, possibly one of the more stressful weeks I have lived thus far. Maybe I am being dramatic, maybe I'm not, but over the last week the reality has hit once more.
I am in that phase of transition. Once Again. It almost never ends, it seems. I have once more, found an amazing community of people, and once more, will have to turn around and say goodbye. We will keep in touch, we will remain friends from afar, but it will be different and life will move on and take us in different directions. You would think it gets easier with time, but I'm learning that instead it just gets harder.
I have learned to love the people here. Their life and passions and faith has challenged, stretched, and encouraged me. How do I move on from this?
Presently two of my friends are sitting in our small kitchen, giggling while they study while my other roommate lays in her bed behind me while attempting to read a few more pages before she sleeps. Moments like these, won't come around too often anymore. Moments like these, will be a faded memory and something that I will cherish.
These past two years in California have been more than I could have ever asked or dreamed of. It's the stuff of movie and novels, it's life. I don't mean that it has all been like a fairy tale - quite the contrary. To put it candidly, I've had moments where my heart felt like it was ripped out and torn to pieces and have had moments where the tears that I cried weren't enough to sear the pain of confusion, loss, or uncertainty. Yet all of those moments, when I reflect, are covered with God's grace through community. For the first time, in a long time, I have constantly had friends and family there to listen, encourage, and hold me in the broken moments; they have reminded me that I am not alone in this journey.
In my heart I hold precious memories of a friend letting me cry on her shoulder in the middle of the road as I felt the pain of someone I once loved walk away. There was that time three of my friends brought over food and ate it with me as I mourned the death of a friend. There was another moment, when a friend went sprinting with me at 1 am because I was too frustrated to articulate the anger that had taken control of me that night. Friends have listened patiently as I struggle through big questions of faith and others have shared their lives with me and entrusted me with vulnerable moments in their own lives that have shaped and molded them into who they are today. I've been blessed by one friend who sat across from me on the dirt ground and recounted God's faithfulness in His life bit by bit so that my faith would be made stronger...I could go on with memories that have been etched in my heart but I my left leg fell asleep just now and brought me back to reality. Also, my roommate just started whistling the tune from the hunger games and so we started talking about other things....
To abruptly conclude this reflective entry....I am going to miss the friends and community here. Yet that is the beauty of it - often time we need these moments of letting go to understand the significance of another's presence in our life.
Photos:
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| Unexpected FREE trip to disneyland!!! IT WAS AN AMAZING TIME |
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| My two roommates in their cultural dress, I was sick in bed taking the photo.... |
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| Next stop.....coming soon.... |
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| Intramural Soccer Team - wonderful memories |
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| We taped encouraging verses to candy and distributed them to stressed students in the library - amazing volunteers and workers here. |
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| One of the three graduation banquets I am attending with Sharon - fellow graduate and good friend |
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| photo from a group prayer with fuller students and faculty |
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| This poster....has been an interesting conversation piece - here my friends celebrate graduation with me! 4 DAYS!!!! |
