This song has been replaying in my head for the past two days....
"Now that I have seen, I am responsible. Faith without deeds is dead."
That phrase "faith without deeds is dead" has helped drive my passion to serve in International Development. My life mission has been to serve and love others (mainly the poor) with what God has given me. The basics of my identity was formed around this, I don't know how or when this occurred, but it's just been built into who I am. However, the passions I have for international development are changing. The idea of who or how I might serve is evaporating leaving room for something new. I've tried to explain it once or twice to some friends, but it's hard even for me to understand. While I am very much aware that these passions are being redirected, I'm completely clueless as to where they're going quite yet. Something is changing deep within me. Yet, I am excited about it.
Only time will tell....
I love calendars. Time has always held some sort of fascination for me. How cool, today will never happen again, and a few weeks from now, everything will be different. Time heals deep wounds and that phrase "only time will tell" often rings true. For this reason, I would find myself counting the weeks until a season of pain or uncertainty would finally be over. 10 weeks - I would count and label it on my calendar as "DONE" or "HEALED" because I would reason that in time things would get better. That day would finally come and I'd smile and say, "see Alison, time, you just needed time."
The problem with this method, is that it completely ignores the present. There is a lot happening in the present, and if I'm always looking ahead, I can miss the joys and lessons of today. Earlier today as I was running with my roommate, we talked about this new quarter at school and the stage of life that we're in. It's a good one, full of uncertainty yet exciting opportunities and experiences. We're given the unique opportunity to take time and learn more about our God and to how he uniquely shaped us to live as light today, in this world. It involves tons of reading, and reflections as we are asked to analyze our character, identity, worldview and motives. The ugly parts of me are brought to light and I am reminded time and time again just how deeply human and flawed I am. Readings by Tim Keller have completely renewed my understanding of grace. 10 weeks goes by fast. This quarter as I begin to mark my calendar with due dates; instead of looking forward in anticipation for the laborious reading to be over with - I am going to enjoy it. I will take in the moments one by one and enjoy each day as is. In doing this, slowly but surely these new passions will naturally rise to the surface or perhaps my passion for international development will return and deeply flourish. That's not my concern at the moment for today has enough "trouble" of it's own (Mathew 6:34).
Today I needed that reminder.
This song on repeat before sleep
May your love, cause us to open up, cause us to open up our hearts.
May your light, cause us to shine so bright, that we bring hope into the dark.
Hope for the hopeless, your love is....
Strength in our weakness, your love is....
May we love, as you love
**Goodnight**
Con Amor,
Alison
