I saw the ocean.
It was HUGE. I saw it last night. And it was enough to make me jump up and down like a little kid. I couldn't help the excitement that overtook me as it sunk in. "I"M SO SMALL," I repeated to my roommate more than once, because really, it was incredible. I kept picturing a world map and a little speck showing where we were on that map, on the edge of it all. And than I pictured those national geographic sea monsters that swim deep in the oceans and marveled at how they were out there doing their thing deep deep down in that ocean. The stars were shining brightly over the darkness - it was all so BIG and I was so SMALL. It really left no doubts about who is control. This is my new home. There was inexplicable joy and excitement at the prospect of living in this place and doing life here. Even with all the unknowns.
Tonight I have this song on repeat
Its a song I posted last December after hearing the kids living in prison sing it. They sang it all the time. "Creere" = "I will be believe" "Confia" = TRUST.
I will believe that there is a bigger picture. There is a purpose for each of us. There is a God who loves this hurting world and He is calling us as Christ followers to love with what we've been given. When I am weak, than I am strong. God is good, and no purpose of his can be thwarted.
Then Job replied to the Lord,
I know you can do all things; no plan of your can be thwarted. You asked, "Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?"
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.
Job - 42:1-3
Monday, September 23, 2013
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
When being blind hurts the God you love - his grace is greater still
I'm updating my blog because of a strange coincidence. I'm probably too nerdely excited about it as well.
I stalked a Professor of a class I am going to audit. And the reason I am going to audit it, is because she is so cool! And..this is the coincidence. Her blog...LOOKS JUST LIKE MY BLOG. Same mountain/rainy design..same blogger.com. She must be cool. But really, read this phrase she wrote in a post:
Who we are is what we live on the inside 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Growing on the inside is learning to have a life.
Wows. I'll add - it's also how we choose to live out that person that is growing on the inside through actions, words, and love.
Needless to say, I'm getting pretty pumped about school starting soon.
Today I was reading Mathew and was struck, like a brick to the head, by just how wrong we can be in our thinking. There's a section called "The Seven Woes" in which Jesus uses all types of mean language to the religious leaders of the day. (Mathew 23) He was so disgusted by it all. How disgusted must he be by the lives we lead at times? He called them blind too. I've been "blind" before. Not living like I should, saying one thing but doing another. Thought I was following God, turns out I was not. Thought I had faith, turns out I doubted. However, even for people like me, there is hope. At the end of his harsh words. Jesus states that they will not see him again until they say "Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord."
Peter, one of the 12 disciples (followers of Jesus), was "blind" for a time as well. There's this story where Peter proudly states his undying love for Jesus right before Jesus is to be captured and killed. Instead of receiving approval or a loving hug full of gratitude, Peter is told - by Jesus- that Peter will deny Jesus three times before the next morning. For Peter, such a thing sounded impossible; he loved Jesus, he would give up his life for Jesus - he had already given up everything to follow Jesus. How could he do such a horrendous, unthinkable, evil thing? Deny someone you love?
But, as it would happen. When Jesus was captured, and things looked bleak, Peter denied ever knowing Jesus, it even said that he swore on it (SINNA) - three times! Upon realizing what he had done, he went outside and wept bitterly. How painful. To hurt someone you love. Yet God still used him. Peter didn't lose his faith nor was it held against him. Perhaps that's because Jesus understood just how broken we are in this human race, and he knew that a moment like this could transform Peter, and that Peter would one day be a solid ROCK that would build the Church.
Lets digress ok? Because this is how my thought process went as I read the story, and for the first time, I identified with Peter as a sinner and understood a little of this pain that he felt. Peter was a disciple hot shot. Not a hot shot in the secular world by any means. The way I understand it, he hung out with this mysterious man and lived no where yet everywhere. Peter had seen Jesus do miracles, multiply food, heal people, raise a man from the dead, calm stories and many more amazing jaw dropping things. MORE than that, he had the privilege of spending night and day by his side and witnessed the spotless life of Jesus, full in kindness, compassion, righteous anger and self control. Peter didn't read it, he LIVED it. Peter felt love like never before from this Jesus. Peter was chosen and special and most of all loved by the son of God himself. Yet, in an instant, when troubles came his way, and Jesus was captured, he was blinded and all hope was lost. Doubt took over, and the faith to believe that Jesus could overcome was no where to be found. EVEN AFTER walking on the water and being told of his little faith (you'd think you'd learn after being told once right!?). EVEN AFTER confessing his undying love for Jesus. He still caved.
Peter is just like us. Through his weakness, he sinned. Yet, God forgave him and used him still. God used him in a mighty way. The story doesn't end in depression or with Peter wallowing in sin. Peter did mourn, he had remorse, but then, he was given a new hope and his faith was restored. He never denied Christ again and understood firsthand that God's love covers all.
He knows our hearts and his grace is greater still.
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." - Romans 5:8
So - this turned into a pretty long entry. Good. Maybe I"ll get some sleep tonight.
QUE SLEEP MUSIC...
Rest your head on hallelujahs
P.S. sleep music means it is slow, but oh so good. Goodnight.
I stalked a Professor of a class I am going to audit. And the reason I am going to audit it, is because she is so cool! And..this is the coincidence. Her blog...LOOKS JUST LIKE MY BLOG. Same mountain/rainy design..same blogger.com. She must be cool. But really, read this phrase she wrote in a post:
Who we are is what we live on the inside 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Growing on the inside is learning to have a life.
Wows. I'll add - it's also how we choose to live out that person that is growing on the inside through actions, words, and love.
Needless to say, I'm getting pretty pumped about school starting soon.
Today I was reading Mathew and was struck, like a brick to the head, by just how wrong we can be in our thinking. There's a section called "The Seven Woes" in which Jesus uses all types of mean language to the religious leaders of the day. (Mathew 23) He was so disgusted by it all. How disgusted must he be by the lives we lead at times? He called them blind too. I've been "blind" before. Not living like I should, saying one thing but doing another. Thought I was following God, turns out I was not. Thought I had faith, turns out I doubted. However, even for people like me, there is hope. At the end of his harsh words. Jesus states that they will not see him again until they say "Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord."
Peter, one of the 12 disciples (followers of Jesus), was "blind" for a time as well. There's this story where Peter proudly states his undying love for Jesus right before Jesus is to be captured and killed. Instead of receiving approval or a loving hug full of gratitude, Peter is told - by Jesus- that Peter will deny Jesus three times before the next morning. For Peter, such a thing sounded impossible; he loved Jesus, he would give up his life for Jesus - he had already given up everything to follow Jesus. How could he do such a horrendous, unthinkable, evil thing? Deny someone you love?
But, as it would happen. When Jesus was captured, and things looked bleak, Peter denied ever knowing Jesus, it even said that he swore on it (SINNA) - three times! Upon realizing what he had done, he went outside and wept bitterly. How painful. To hurt someone you love. Yet God still used him. Peter didn't lose his faith nor was it held against him. Perhaps that's because Jesus understood just how broken we are in this human race, and he knew that a moment like this could transform Peter, and that Peter would one day be a solid ROCK that would build the Church.
Lets digress ok? Because this is how my thought process went as I read the story, and for the first time, I identified with Peter as a sinner and understood a little of this pain that he felt. Peter was a disciple hot shot. Not a hot shot in the secular world by any means. The way I understand it, he hung out with this mysterious man and lived no where yet everywhere. Peter had seen Jesus do miracles, multiply food, heal people, raise a man from the dead, calm stories and many more amazing jaw dropping things. MORE than that, he had the privilege of spending night and day by his side and witnessed the spotless life of Jesus, full in kindness, compassion, righteous anger and self control. Peter didn't read it, he LIVED it. Peter felt love like never before from this Jesus. Peter was chosen and special and most of all loved by the son of God himself. Yet, in an instant, when troubles came his way, and Jesus was captured, he was blinded and all hope was lost. Doubt took over, and the faith to believe that Jesus could overcome was no where to be found. EVEN AFTER walking on the water and being told of his little faith (you'd think you'd learn after being told once right!?). EVEN AFTER confessing his undying love for Jesus. He still caved.
Peter is just like us. Through his weakness, he sinned. Yet, God forgave him and used him still. God used him in a mighty way. The story doesn't end in depression or with Peter wallowing in sin. Peter did mourn, he had remorse, but then, he was given a new hope and his faith was restored. He never denied Christ again and understood firsthand that God's love covers all.
He knows our hearts and his grace is greater still.
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." - Romans 5:8
So - this turned into a pretty long entry. Good. Maybe I"ll get some sleep tonight.
QUE SLEEP MUSIC...
Rest your head on hallelujahs
P.S. sleep music means it is slow, but oh so good. Goodnight.
Monday, September 9, 2013
I moved to California
What in the world?
Today, I am in Southern California. It happened - I moved. 6 days ago to be exact. Out my window are...are you ready for this?....palm trees. AND, I can see mountains, which - I have been informed, aren't actually mountains, they're "foothills."
As a procrastinator in life, big moves like these just seem to happen in a blink of an eye because little preparation goes into it all - also because the decision was made a little over a month ago.
Goodbyes this time around were not easy. Two days before the big move, I was driving home with some friends from a little weekend getaway, when it finally hit like a ton of bricks. Things will never be the same, and I chose this. Ouch. It hurt. I have to say goodbye to these people I love and have shared my life with. My home church and my family. What ensued I was not ready for, tons of tears, in public tears! How lame! I usually like to cry after the people have left, but in front of, just makes the pain seem ten times worse. For fifteen minutes I pretended to sleep but actually, what I was doing, was gulping down the tears and wiping them under my little black jacket. In the past, I just denied change when it was happening which resulted in months of clinging on tightly to the past, which as we all know, is long gone.
A few months ago, a friend texted me the verse, "And Lots wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt." I remember reading it as a kid and immediately after bouncing up the stairs to ask my mom, "REALLY, God can do that!?! SALT! He turned a woman into SALT!?"
As an adult, my question was more like, "REALLY, He turned her into salt for that!? We really shouldn't look back!?" Nope. Just in case we doubt it, Jesus also told us in Luke 9:62, "No one who puts a hand to the plow, and looks back, is fit for service in the Kingdom of God."
I think as these next steps are taken forward, it's important to appreciate what was, and look forward with confidence that God is present and actively working. Instead of yearning for what once was, to take joy in the present and live life to the fullest in the here and now.
So California. What's it like? It's hot. It's new. It's different. And I can't even imagine the type of stories that will be lived out here. My roommates and I are excited and ready to open our doors to families and friends this year from all walks of life. I have yet to start classes and will spend the next two weeks job hunting and preparing for whatever may come. Here we goes!
Today, I am in Southern California. It happened - I moved. 6 days ago to be exact. Out my window are...are you ready for this?....palm trees. AND, I can see mountains, which - I have been informed, aren't actually mountains, they're "foothills."
As a procrastinator in life, big moves like these just seem to happen in a blink of an eye because little preparation goes into it all - also because the decision was made a little over a month ago.
Goodbyes this time around were not easy. Two days before the big move, I was driving home with some friends from a little weekend getaway, when it finally hit like a ton of bricks. Things will never be the same, and I chose this. Ouch. It hurt. I have to say goodbye to these people I love and have shared my life with. My home church and my family. What ensued I was not ready for, tons of tears, in public tears! How lame! I usually like to cry after the people have left, but in front of, just makes the pain seem ten times worse. For fifteen minutes I pretended to sleep but actually, what I was doing, was gulping down the tears and wiping them under my little black jacket. In the past, I just denied change when it was happening which resulted in months of clinging on tightly to the past, which as we all know, is long gone.
A few months ago, a friend texted me the verse, "And Lots wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt." I remember reading it as a kid and immediately after bouncing up the stairs to ask my mom, "REALLY, God can do that!?! SALT! He turned a woman into SALT!?"
As an adult, my question was more like, "REALLY, He turned her into salt for that!? We really shouldn't look back!?" Nope. Just in case we doubt it, Jesus also told us in Luke 9:62, "No one who puts a hand to the plow, and looks back, is fit for service in the Kingdom of God."
I think as these next steps are taken forward, it's important to appreciate what was, and look forward with confidence that God is present and actively working. Instead of yearning for what once was, to take joy in the present and live life to the fullest in the here and now.
So California. What's it like? It's hot. It's new. It's different. And I can't even imagine the type of stories that will be lived out here. My roommates and I are excited and ready to open our doors to families and friends this year from all walks of life. I have yet to start classes and will spend the next two weeks job hunting and preparing for whatever may come. Here we goes!
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| Cousin's (Abby) outdoor Wedding. Beautiful. |
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| Bike riding with mom. :) |
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| I got into a car crash, my fault. Here's my explanation. |
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| Good friends from Willow Creek |
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| Riding horses my last weekend home |
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| Playing rumikub with Grandma and Grandpa and Lisie! |
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| Lisie and I drove to watch heat lightening in Mundelein, supa cool. |
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| It is SO HOT here that we stumbled upon this poor dead animal... |
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