I am so tired, I will not complain - I"ll just describe it. I'm too tired to even go to bed because that requires me walking up the stairs, brushing my teeth, and then getting into bed. Too much work. So the alternative is sitting here and mindlessly letting my fingers type the thoughts that come into my head - a dangerous alternative.
Option C seems better - copying and pasting entries that I've ran across this evening from my travels through India and Nepal...
The work here is good. It is like a dream come true in many ways, yet very difficult at the same time. Today I was sitting next to a coworker from Syria, and thinking how just a year ago I was completing research on the Syrian refugee crisis and now....we are making plans to work with people affected by the war. Those late nights were not in vain. Anyways, I chose option C, not option B - yet here I am already mindlessly typing away. Also - this is pretty awesome - currently have Reggaeton music playing in my headphones, something I have not listened to in quite some time, and it just makes these tired and mindless moments so wonderful. Before I embarrass myself more with rambling thoughts - here are the copy and paste versions of pieces of "entries" from the travels. These "entries" tend to happen when I want to process my thoughts but am too tired to write them in my journal (like now) with handwriting.. Let's call the next portion of this blog -- the Alison Diaries (part 1)
The Alison Diaries (part 1)
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Option C seems better - copying and pasting entries that I've ran across this evening from my travels through India and Nepal...
The work here is good. It is like a dream come true in many ways, yet very difficult at the same time. Today I was sitting next to a coworker from Syria, and thinking how just a year ago I was completing research on the Syrian refugee crisis and now....we are making plans to work with people affected by the war. Those late nights were not in vain. Anyways, I chose option C, not option B - yet here I am already mindlessly typing away. Also - this is pretty awesome - currently have Reggaeton music playing in my headphones, something I have not listened to in quite some time, and it just makes these tired and mindless moments so wonderful. Before I embarrass myself more with rambling thoughts - here are the copy and paste versions of pieces of "entries" from the travels. These "entries" tend to happen when I want to process my thoughts but am too tired to write them in my journal (like now) with handwriting.. Let's call the next portion of this blog -- the Alison Diaries (part 1)
The Alison Diaries (part 1)
----------------------------------------------------
Oct. 29 - Calcutta
written after spending the day with some kids in the slum, most of whom where high off of sniffing glue or other substances.
I hate the
brokenness that people have to face and want people to see the joy in the midst
of the brokenness. I want to help to
bring hope into the dark places.
How? I have to believe that they
too can see redemption in the land of the living. I have to believe that it is worth it and
that positive change is possible. I have
to know agents of change that I can call up to support and encourage them in
these difficult times. In these
circumstances, unrelenting, forgiving, unconditional love is necessary. Tough love too. It’s an art to love kids that have been
through trauma and abuse. It’s an
art. I think God uses our stories too,
to help bring redemption into the lives of others.
November 17 - Nepal
written at a time I was interviewing for next steps and considering how much I wanted to actually commit to international development work.
I’ve been “walking slow” through next steps for the past few
years as I try to make sense out of the way that God leads. I’ve been asking question after question to
stranger after stranger (become friend) about why they do what they do and how
God has worked in their life. At some
point though, it became time to stop sitting on the sidelines asking questions
and to line up to jump into the game when the whistle blows.
I remember in soccer games, when I was told it was my time
to get in the game, a bunch of nerves would come up as I stood at the sideline
and waiting for the whistle to blow indicating that someone stepped off, and I
stepped on the field. It was an
adrenaline rush to go from sitting on the bench to sprinting full speed down
the field or attacking the opposing team’s forward head on within a matter of
seconds. My mind would trick me into thinking that I wasn’t that good as I
sat on the bench, and then within seconds my body would go into full speed and
silence the mind as I focused on only what was happening in those moments. Moment by moment, kick by kick, pass by pass,
we would play.
This is kind of the place I find myself in now – I’m on the
sidelines but just about jumping in – I feel the whistle is about to blow and I
feel ready to get involved in the world of humanitarian work, wherever it may
lead.
Dec. 9 - Bangalore
written at the house of some Korean friends who had graciously hosted me during my first two weeks in India and let me return to their house near the end of my travels.
Less than two weeks left in India. I’ve hardly begun to express all that has
happened over the last three months here, and even before that, the time spent
in Turkey. It’s all blurring together in
my mind and every so often memories will come back of funny things that were
said or good conversations that were had.
How do you process such a crazy, seemingly random journey
that has been woven together so masterfully that to credit anyone other than
God would be ludicrous. I think – you
just let it be.
Today as I was enjoying breakfast with the current family
that is hosting me, my eyes and thoughts focused on all the little things. I often do this to remember well places,
moments or people. I noticed the design
on the coffee cups, the way that sipping this coffee made everything seem
peaceful. I listened to them speak
Korean and thought of all the years they lived here (over 20) and how cool that I
got to spend time here.
And then – I realized something. I’m detail oriented!! I’ve been paying attention to details my
whole life and here I had been telling myself
wasn’t for over 20 years. Ok, so
maybe I do miss the details that others would deem important, but I bet you I
remember the other details that no one else does. The way the face expressions can change
between sentences, or the way So what if the details aren’t important by others
standards, and ok so maybe I miss the detials.... (I think the girls got home from school so my attention was diverted)
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So there it is - bits and pieces from those travels. Signing off this evening - all this to say - Nothing is ever constant - our feelings, our emotions, our way of processing - change. Even circumstances, those change too, the people that I see regularly who are living in tents or abandoned buildings can tell you that when you place your hope on the things that change and can ultimately be destroyed - you will be disappointed and life will lose purpose. So - I believe a life of meaning is one that seeks to know and love God and to love others with that love that only God can give - unconditional, immeasurable, unchanging, and unmoving love. Something like that.
Goodnight...tired...yet a little more awake - staying up this late may have been a mistake. On a much cooler end - we are distributing close to 10,000 shoes to IDPs tomorrow. Excited?? Yes.... From there to here - only God.
