Do you really trust?

Tonight is a chill night of reflection.  I haven't had one in quite some time - it's always been go, go, go, or just....crawl into bed and fall asleep.

There is this long list of things to be done when I return to California.  Life is moving quickly and apparently my "serendipitous" personality needs more structure.  So here goes some reflecting, structure to follow.

1.  Do you really trust God?

Journal Entry: July 3rd 2012
"Linda (girls home director) said today that being on the mission field is a test about what you believe.  "Do you really trust God?  You can either choose to believe, or to not believe."  I am choosing to believe.  To hold onto hope - to have faith that God is who he says he is.  That he is all knowing - omnipresent and watching over me and everyone.  I believe that God has a plan - that God has power.  That God listens and chooses to listen when he wants.  I believe that God knows my heart.  I believe that God can work through me.  I believe."

That entry was written while in Bolivia, my heart was distraught after witnessing a ministry partnership fall apart.  Earlier that day we had interviewed Linda, who had served as a girls home director for many years (more than 10).  She was so genuine and honest, she didn't sugar coat the work she was involved in; and it was inspiring.  Today that question, "Do you really trust God," cuts deep as bigger decisions are made and worries about the future begin to creep in.  It's a question that humbles me and requires an honest answer.  The answer?  Why yes of course, yes I do trust God.  ok Alison...then do not worry and lift it up in prayer.

2. God has His ways.

Exodus 23:29-30
But I will not drive them out in a single year, because the land would become desolate and the wild animals too numerous for you.  Little by little I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land.

Little by little.  God said little by little.  So in whatever way that God is working; it could be drastic and it could be little by little - but there is a reasoning behind the plans that God orchestrates.  God is active and working.  Always - in the practical and seemingly impractical.

3.  Recognize the season you're in (said Bill Hybels)

I have ten more weeks of classes this next quarter.  That's the next season.  This is the time for growth and development.  This is the time to trust and obey.  This is the time to pray and wait.  This is a time to invest in friendships and a church community.  It is a time to work hard and to take joy in it all.

4.  God is with me

Though these feet often times feel like they are aimlessly wandering, God has always been there, every step of the way.

Psalms 27:13-14
I am confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

James 4:8-10
Come near to God and he will come near to you.  Wash your hands, you sinner, and purify your hearts, you double minded.  Grieve, mourn, and wail.  Change your laughter into mourning and your joy to gloom.  Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

James 4:13-15
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.  Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.  What is your life?  You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.  Instead, you ought to say, "if it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."

So since I don't know the future - why plan it?  No structure needed.

Just kidding! I've got a general idea of the next best steps.
And...time for bed :) sleep music.