This pequenito light of mine: I decided to go

"And you will name your child Craig...WHY? Because God brought me here to stir up your faith!" silence....

....I hate it when my phone dies in the middle of something good like it did last night while listening to a great sermon by this awesome man - Craig Groeschel. So instead of hearing his next words the last phrase repeated it my mind over and over...

To stir up your faith...

Two nights ago I met my two new roommates for the first time over a skype call. 1 girl from Oklahoma, and the other from Singapore - we chatted it up. I can't tell you how exciting it was to hear them share their passions and personalities, and also how nerve racking it was to realize what this conversation meant.

This conversation meant commitment. There was a small moment, when one of the girls said, "so are you guys in?" She meant, do you guys want to live together? But for me the question meant, "Alison, are you going to Fuller or not." It wouldn't be cool to lead on these two girls and then leave them hanging. So I had to think fast as my mind shot through the three possible answers, yes, no, give me time. I have had time, I've had tons of time, and it didn't help anything. These girls are great, and I wanted to get to know them, and so I said yes.

I said yes to Fuller Theological Seminary. I said yes to moving to California in a month. I said yes to saying goodbye to friends and family here for the next few years. And I said yes to a new chapter in life where everything is vague, not at all planned out, and super unknown.

I made the decision, in my head, a week ago. In my head. When you make a decision in your head, without any type of action attached. You can still pretend like things aren't going to change. I found that as I began to tell people, the decision became real. And - mixed emotions surfaced that I didn't think would arise.

It's that awful mixture of a helpless and sad feeling. It's the realization of a new chapter in life that requires an ending paragraph to my current reality. Things will never be the same, and this time, I am choosing it. And quite frankly, I am perfectly happy with the present, things have been going great! So it is confusing why I would choose to move when everything is going so well here.

If I go based off my feelings, I might not be going anymore, I would just sway back and forth like I have been for weeks. If I go based off practicality, I wouldn't be going either, because everything points to an easier and comfortable route through graduate school here. But If I go based off of faith, that is the only way I am able to go. Because otherwise it just doesn't make sense.

Tonight as Craig talked to me through a computer screen.... there were a few quotes that stuck out to me -

1. "We need to have faith to start, to take the next step. You don't have to have the faith to finish, you have to have the faith to start."

2. "The decisions that we make today will determine the stories that we tell tomorrow."

3. "Sometimes the best decision you can make is to go when it would be easier to stay."

4. This man was comfortable with who God made him to be and how God could use him in his weakness of not knowing everything. Let that be me.

Do I think it's a coincidence that the week that I finally decide to go when it it would be easier to stay, there is confirmation in this sermon? No. It just stirred up my faith that God is in control and guiding this little light of mine.

Lord willing, I'm moving from Chicagoland to Pasadena, California...very soon. I am scared. I am nervous. I'm excited. But everything will be alright.

P.S. The sermon I"m referring to can be found at the Willow Creek Website titled "My Story: I decided to go" by Craig Groeschel