This Broken World

Two entries so close together!?  What is this?!  I will tell you - it is Alison awake at 2 a.m. with some fellow hard workers - there is a lovely coffee sitting next to me right now - and my mind is wide awake.


Just what could my mind me going crazy for?  Earlier this evening the song "oh my God" by Jars of Clay began playing on my computer.  I posted it on a earlier blog post (something to ponder) and it started an evening reflecting on the pain I've seen others endure.  This world is so broken.  Just ask a stranger about their life – and you’ll most likely hear about a difficult trial they had to endure or about a worry or something that just needs a fixin’.  I know it sounds so cynical – but it’s the truth.

Photo from Yellowstone

I can add that positive spin – I can talk about all the things that are going right.  About this great life that we have been given – the reality is – we have been given so much, and have so much to be grateful for – But.  How do we make sense of all the pain in this world?  For all the injustices?  For all the people that are hurting?  For the abused..the hungry..the tired..the lonely…the abandoned..the widowed..the lost..the depressed?  I have friends of all different beliefs that might have different ways to explain it all.  However, I strongly believe that all this pain and suffering is a result of sin.  Sin that just goes deep – generations deep – millenials deep.  I am not saying that if someone is born with a physical or mental handicap that sin is a result – I am not educated enough to explain that – what I am saying is that we are broken people in a broken world.

So what?  So what the heck do we do with that?  As a nice American I have a choice.  I can choose to live a life immersed in the American culture – trying to attain a happy life by the world’s standards.  Happiness might mean different things for different people – it could mean a nice car, a nice house, a nice family, a nice job, a nice boyfriend/girlfriend, nice trips around the world, the list goes on.  OR.  I can seek to be a light in the darkness – to “seek Justice, Love Mercy, and to Walk Humbly with our God.”  I can choose to really…really follow Jesus.  Not just go to Church and talk about it – or read books about it – or memorize verses and understand that Jesus says to serve the poor or be a legit neighbor to someone.  No – I’ve been doing that.  It means sharing in the pain and suffering – it means letting myself be broken on the inside so that I can walk along side those in pain.  It means owning up to my own brokenness and leaving it at the feet of Jesus. 

Photo from Grand Canyon

I have an inner struggle going on inside of me.  It has been going on since I was a little girl attending Bible Summer Camps.  I remember it well; that one week they focused on Surrender.  I hated the topic of surrender.  I hated it because I didn’t want to do it.  I knew what it meant.  I knew that it meant believing everything Jesus says and “taking up your cross” and quite frankly – I didn’t want to do that.  I wanted to be a comfortable Christian that just goes to church and doesn’t talk about it to her non-christian friends.  I was scared that if I were to surrender my life to Jesus – that he would ask for everything I hold dear –that there wouldn’t be comfort and that all those missionary stories I read full of trials, suffering, death and scary nights, etc. would all become a reality.  Those are fun to read and all – but to experience – I could not imagine, nor did I want to.  So my inner struggle is this:  Do I conform to this world – seek a comfortable job and every once in a while lend a helping hand to those in need, only once in a while.  OR do I give it all up – follow Jesus and risk losing it all to find it all?  What am I finding?  I think it might be the peace that passes understanding, I think it might be a relationship with God that brings Joy and redemption.  I think it might mean sharing Christ with others in the midst of their pain.  I think it might take a lot of refinement.  I think…It might hurt.  How far do we go?  How much are we asked to surrender?  What does a Christ centered life look like?  I don’t have the answers, nor do I pretend to, nor have I had the guts to surrender.  It’s pretty scarry.  That’s the hard part – trusting that what scriptures says is true, and really…truly…wholeheartedly seeking God (Jeremiah 19:13) – you don’t know until you do it.  

Photo from yellowstone

Perhaps because it’s late at night – perhaps that’s why my mind is churning out these thoughts.  For real – this might be the first time some of you (my amazing friends) read/hear something like this from me.  I tend to be introspective and keep these thoughts to myself.  But thoughts like these are also a part of my time here in Bolivia – so meh, what the heck, I’m trying this blog thing of pouring out your heart open for judgment.

Judge away!  J  It’s not easy.  Tomorrow we leave for a prayer retreat tucked away somewhere in a small town.  It is very important for the group here to pray and reflect as some BIG decisions are made this next month.  Decisions that impact families and potentially could have an impact on lives here in Bolivia depending on what is decided.  Have a GLOOOORIOUS rest of the week.  J

  

Alison Garza     CHASE THAT - Lecrae (holla - christian gangsta surrender)

Melissa Arnold - You made my morning with your comment :)  

Tell Mackenzie HI!